When Shakespeare Goes Shoreditch … with Implants
To plug its new series, “The Secret Life Of…”, The History Channel commissioned digital artists and history experts to take the portraits of historical figures and give them a modern revamp.
Details of each makeover are explored at The Telegraph (and on Le Monde for the Frenchies). Quickies:
- Marie Antoinette gets orthodontic treatment for her crooked teeth and breast implants because of all the Hersheys-Kisses hate she got as a teen. The passé wig is taken down and replaced by a Philip Treacey hat.
- Henry VIII gets veneers, hair plugs and a slimmer figure to reinforce his lavish, vain side. The suit’s designer, complemented by a diamond pinky ring and expensive watch. He’s been tanned to reflect how much time he spends outside, doing exhilarating 1-Percenter shit like hunting, riding and tennis-playing.
- Shakespeare gets the Shoreditch treatment, plus piercings on both ears (to maintain a certain “sexual ambiguity”). His beard’s gone a little spotty on the sides and his hair is fuller: because he was also an actor, people think he’d have wanted implants.
- Queen Elizabeth I gets the Hillary Clinton treatment: power hair and a brocade feminine powersuit. She also has new veneers, but hates smiling, so the artists decided not to show them off.
- Finaly, Admiral Lord Nelson is updated à la 21st-century Navy. He’s gained some weight because Navy folks spend more time deskbound now than they do on the high seas, and his missing right arm has been replaced with a C3PO-ish prosthetic.
One @CandaceHetchler privately laments that the modernised Marie looks like a modern-day “loser”. But would the cast of Gossip Girl think so? That is the question.